How my addicted son helped me be a better person.

This photo was taken of Timothy when he had some clean time.

With Timothy actively using again I thought it was best that I head to California to check up on him. I was excited that I was going to see him, but once I laid eyes on him, I had mixed emotions. At first, I was disappointed. He looked as if he had leprosy again, he slurred, and his green eyes sunk in his sockets as well as his cheeks did. I felt angry that he was not “taking care of my son” as he had promised me. I was so upset that I looked at him and said, “You know Tim, you look like shit. You’re filthy, your skin has boils all over it and your hands are filthy.”

He looked at me and softly said with tears in his eyes, “Don’t you know that I know I look like shit?” I watched as his tears fell on the table and were absorbed by the napkin. He went on. “Don’t you think I know I am a piece of shit? I know all of this and it’s very painful to hear it as well, especially from my mother.. I am sorry I am such a disappointment to you.” He took my breath away. I was saddened not only by his response, but by my lack of empathy for my own sick child. This was a turning point for me. For years I struggled with the idea of Timothy actually really being sick. I wouldn’t believe it. That day I realized that it was me that had been self absorbed. How could I be so cruel? So disconnected from my own child. It took me a moment to understand what had happened. I apologized to him. From that day on, I was careful with what I said to him.

My take away was that we are never too old to learn. Thank you Timothy!