Synopsis

This book is about twin addictions. It’s the story of how I’ve participated in my son Timothy’s drug addiction, willingly and unwillingly, consciously and unconsciously. It’s about the price Tim, my family, and I have paid for these addictions.

Through my experience I’ve learned much about our country’s deadly epidemic—how not to get ripped off by treatment centers, how to handle insurance issues, and how to deal with other red flags in the “recovery industry.”  

But Addicted to the Addict is not primarily about those kinds of issues. Rather, it’s a candid and honest account of the complex and conflicting emotions experienced by the mother of a drug addict. It was written to help other parents who may find themselves caught up in the same dilemma. I want to share with you some hard-earned wisdom that may help you and your loved ones avoid the mistakes I made.

Addicted to the Addict is meant to lift the shame and embarrassment of parents of addicted children by looking directly and honestly at my own shame and embarrassment. What role did I play in my son’s drug habit?  What role do I play (or fail to play) in his recovery? Am I helping in the fight or am I simply enabling him? Am I turning toward what I need to see in myself and my son, or am I turning away?

To write this book, I needed to face these difficult questions. I grew up with addiction in my family, and I’ve taken an unflinching look at how that tangled web played out in my case. I had to examine my past and how it influenced my son’s behavior, and my reaction to that behavior.

I had to face the fact that I perhaps failed as a parent. I examine my co-dependent patterns that have made Timothy’s addiction worse. I also reflect on the things I did right as well as the mistakes I’ve made.  

Writing this book has been a painful but illuminating experience. For the first time I looked deeply at my childhood experiences and felt honest anger about the past. I never felt angry a child because I couldn’t deal with the reality of what my life was.  

I worry about how friends and family will react to some of what follows. With that said, I have an obligation to tell the truth from my perspective, not only with the hope that it will help others, but also to change public attitudes toward addiction.  

Whenever I see someone on a street corner or outside a local food store holding a sign that says “HOMELESS AND IN NEED OF FOOD,” that could be my son. I believe Tim has held his share of such signs throughout the years.  Perhaps he will hold them again when he gets out of jail.

But in the end, this is a hopeful book. Through insight and self-awareness, we parents can learn better ways of coping with the demands placed upon us and our families, helping our children in constructive ways that do more good than harm.  

As Timothy’s mother, I never expected to go on such a journey with him.  We all have much higher expectations for our children. When he was four years old I asked him if he wanted to be a doctor someday. Responding in a cute lisp, his answer wasn’t that of the average four-year-old: “No, mommy. Doctors help people get better. I want to be a cop because cops save people’s lives.”